Orange

I love taking Facebook quizzes. I usually like taking them because of how absurd the answers are. I recently took a quiz that had me questioning if my mother wrote the answer key.

It was called the Color Personality Test (well something like that).

The test labeled me with a “let’s just get along” personality. They called it the orange personality. It said that I was “kind, cooperative, and always put others first.” It even said that I  “appreciate order and organization, and respond well to rules.” If you know me you know how spot on this is! I need to be prepared. I am not an off the cuff type of person and I’ve definitely learned that the hard way. It brings me anxiety! The color test also added that I “probably tend to worry”! What in the world! I’m telling you my mom has to be helping them. This test knew me!

This made me stop to think, yes a Facebook quiz made me stop and think! How many times have I let society tell me what lines I can and can’t cross? How many times have I let others tell me what to be? How many times have I let the opinions of man drown out the words of my Creator? Honestly too many to count!

Transparency moment – a few months ago I shared with my team about some of the fears I had before starting TMLU. And if I want to be very real, they still come back sporadically. They are probably not what you would think and are things that I have stayed away from talking about. But this is something I believe can also help others.

It started out as a single question; can I actually do this? Can I, Bosa Odiase, actually do this? I’ll tell you my first thought since I’m airing all my dirty laundry. “Yes, Bosa, you can! Once you get married, you and your husband can do this together!” Because of this thought, I waited. Through prayer, God showed me that I was scared to step out because of my gender.

I was so worried about what people would say. I’ve held a few leadership positions and it always felt like I had to fight. I felt like I never received the same respect as males in the same position. After talking to a few people I realized females are perceived differently when in leadership positions. The way I come across can be taken a certain way, they said. Because of comments like those, I tried to change. I hated it. Trying to fit a mold did not work for me. I thought maybe my personality just sucks, maybe it’s just a guy thing and they understand each other, maybe this, maybe that. I became paralyzed at the thought of leading anything. The title alone scared me. I was so caught up in what I thought, people would think. I tried so hard to appease false perceptions that I totally disregarded what I knew I needed to do.

The next thought in my head was one that has tried to invade my mind since highschool.

You are black. A simple phrase right? A correct statement. There is a lot tied to those words. (Disclaimer: this is not a soapbox. I’m simply sharing my thought process.)

Throughout high school and even college, I would receive remarks or hear things that would have me questioning if God made a mistake when creating me. I know of girls who have tried committing suicide because of the color of their skin. I remember the day God began to change my mindset. I sat and wrestled with the idea that I felt surrounded by. My friends would joke about black girls and I began to accept it. I thought “God, you mean I am less appealing because of the color of my skin? Why would you do that?” God has really done a work in my heart since then. He showed me who He created me to be and that none of His children are ever anything less than masterpieces. I never thought much about it again until I felt led to start TMLU. “Umm, God… you know I’m black right.”  It was an honest statement and an eye opener for me. A lot of the seeds planted by others still had root in my heart.

Stepping out in faith was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. God is continually pulling out the roots of doubt and fear. Some of these roots go deep and when He’s pulling them out of my heart, they hurt. But I love the seeds He is replacing them with a lot more! It has been a process. It is still something that I am constantly checking myself on. I try and guard my heart as much as possible.

I’ve been told that I am an ambivert who has a let’s just get along personality. I like things in order because disorder gives me anxiety. I am female and because of that, I come across a certain way. I am black and because of that I am a less appealing than other girls. I am 24 which is too young to lead anything. I am too focused on building things, which means that I will probably never get married or get married super late in life. I am not focused enough and life is going to pass me by.

I can choose to believe what everyone/thing is saying about me (some people deservedly and others not so much) or I can choose to believe what God has said about me.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”  -Ephesians 2:10 NLT

I AM HIS MASTERPIECE!

Masterpiece: a work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship. An artist’s or craftsman’s best piece of work.

Anything that He has called me to do is already finished. I am His best piece of work! All I need to do is keep my eyes on Him and follow. I have decided to no longer let the opinions of people drowned out the words of my Creator! Even though they say I’m orange I know there is so much more waiting to be discovered!

I’ve made my decision, now it’s your turn! Who do you choose to believe? I can fully assure you that you are more than a color. You are a masterpiece!

Peace and Love

-Bosa