Am I loved? Seems silly to ask but that was one of the thoughts that I was continuously bombarded with when I was younger. I lived my life wondering what love really was and what it really felt like because I thought I had never experienced it.
Love and its’ perception are skewed. The media and our culture today, has caused the world to believe that love is based on merely physical attributes (Love at first sight). Love is just a superficial notion. Having that kind of love shoved in your face day in and day out affected me as a teenager, especially since I was not receiving that type of “love”. I wasn’t getting that superficial “romantic comedy” kind of love. I didn’t have that cool group of friends or the popular guy like in the movies. I thought those instances reflected how everyone loved. It twisted my reality. I battled with fear, depression, and suicide because I wasn’t getting the love I thought I needed. I felt like what I had was not enough.
In high school, I didn’t talk much and I didn’t have many friends. I was lost in a world where I felt nobody knew me and nobody cared. I felt alone and unworthy of love. I wanted to be like the popular girls who always got the guy or the cool girl who always had all the friends. I never got that. I never got attention from the “cool crowd” or anyone for that matter and it made me feel inadequate. I felt I was never cool, pretty, or smart enough to attain love.
It wasn’t until later when I started to grow closer with the Lord did I really get a better grasp of love and the love of God. It was a process, but God continued to bombard and overwhelm me with scriptures that reflected His great love for me. This then allowed me to open myself up to accept His love and truly see the love that I had already been given by my friends and family.
One passage that always came in my head when those feelings of depression and worthlessness started to creep back in (and those feelings do come back) is the most notable scripture in Christianity, John 3:16. The amplified translation says,
For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.” (AMP)
While reading this verse probably for the one millionth time, I received a revelation. God loves ME. He loves me immensely.I am a PRIZED possession. He thinks highly of me and that was the reason he gave up his very unique Son for my sake and the world in its entirety. I had love right in my face and never realized it!
I didn’t have to feel unworthy or unwanted because I knew someone cared for me! My eyes were then opened to the love my parents, siblings, and friends had for me all along. It was always overshadowed by what I thought love needed to look like. Fully grasping and understanding the sacrifice God gave opened my eyes to a new way of seeing life and receiving His love.
God didn’t sacrifice His son so that we could just tell stories about it and move on. God sacrificed so that we could fully see, His love. No matter what, God loves even when it seems no one else does. He created us in love and created us for a purpose!
I am loved!